One of my favourite movies is The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Story of my life if I ever saw one. I used to be a total day dreamer, conjuring up impossible and ridiculous scenarios that made me the hero, or at least that made me the woman in the hero’s arms. I am naturally someone comfortable with staying in on a Saturday night, with my best effort at risk being trying the “no name” granola bars instead of the “Quaker” ones (better price, you know?) I’m not spontaneous, danger or thrill seeking. In my head I like to think I could become that way, but I’ve learned to champion the truth of who I am: not that. Another reason I love and connect with the movie is how inspirational it is, portraying organically Walter shifting from day dreamer to dreamer. It’s a beautiful transition, and the first time I saw the move I knew that’s exaclty what God was working out in my life. I encourage you to watch the movie, push through the somewhat confusing day dreams, and watch as a wary, fear-filled life transforms into one of trust, pursuit and beauty. But I’m not writing to get you to watch the film; rather I want to reflect on one of my absolute favourite lines in it. It’s spoken by Sean O’Connell (Sean Penn), photographer extraordinaire who has lived the life of a daredevile just to capture a moment in time worthy of being shared with the world. In a scene where Walter (Ben Stiller) has travelled literally across the world to find Sean sitting somewhere in the Himalayas (see – story of my life! Who knew I’d be in the Himalayas less than a year after I saw the movie!?) While sitting and conversing over why Walter has sought out Sean, there is a pause in conversation as the entire point of the movie comes to life as Sean so brilliantly suggests, “beautiful things don’t ask for attention.”
Soak in that for a minute.
Life as I know it doesn’t generally function this way. I know I often forget to notice the little things in life. I don’t take hold of moments that should only be captured in my “instagram heart.” As I reflected on this statement, after watching the movie a couple of weeks ago, I started to consider how this statement applied to sexuality.
Regularly I want someone to commend me for my hard work, embrace my talents, and satisfy my longing for intimacy in a physical, authentic way, speaking a language that makes sense to me (which for me is not by using words; 5 love languages anyone?) On days when I’m having a particularly hard time with this I find the first aspect of my being to want to let loose is my sexuality. I crave attention from a man, flattery from a completely handsome stranger, or even just an excuse to get all sexy for someone. It’s in those moments when I’m wavering too far from being someone who embodies healthily what it means to live with an attitude of “beautiful things don’t ask for attention.” Too often my arrogance controls the way I feel, and it’s a daily struggle to come against this reality.
So what is this thing that is starving for attention? It’s sexy. No…I’m not describing what it’s like. I’m just saying it is “sexy”. Sexy things demand attention. Sexy things lust after flattery. Sexy things thirst to be noticed.
It actually breaks my heart when I see girls, who I’ve watched grow into who could be beautiful young women, giving into the appeal of sexy. Ain’t nothing wrong with a selfie done right, but when I can’t see your face, or the first thing I notice is your belly button (and 2+ inches of skin below and above it), it tells me you’re asking for attention.
Something sexy is easy to notice. If there’s a brand new Porsche parked on the crest of a hill you will always notice the Porsche first. The background of the scene could hold a sunset and ocean for miles, but it’s the sexy thing that will get noticed first. You may linger long enough to notice the beauty of what is not asking for your attention, but our world doesn’t grasp moving slowly very well.
I’ve wanted to demand a lot of attention recently. Most of the time I’m really okay with being unmarried. Maybe I haven’t been drinking enough milk or some other crazy theory, but I have really just wanted to be noticed, noticed so much that someone wants to date me and then marry me. There has been more than one occasion where I’ve put on a shirt that was nicely revealing – I am confident enough to have the body to show it off, so why not? That’s the thought that goes through my mind. But after checking and rechecking myself in the mirror I always put on the extra tanktop or pull on the spandex for under my shorts or dress. I want to be sexy. I really do. But is that really all I want?
There’s a tension in my reality that I hate accepting credit for my accomplishments or asking for support and I’d rather nobody know it was me but just enjoy the outcome of what I’ve created or learned. But what I have done does not define me. Who I am defines me, and a huge part of that is my sexuality. The tension begins when I step into embracing my sexuality. It’s a hard thing to do. Living as a fully sexual being in an unmarried life is really hard. That’s where the craving for sexy comes in. And yes, this can spill over into what I do. Who you are inevitably effects what you do. So how do I cross the line to being okay from being a beautiful thing not asking for attention to being a sexy thing demanding attention? That is the question. I’m not sure I’ve answered it.
Sexuality at its core is a deep and inexplicable longing for authentic intimacy. For so long I’ve trained my brain that being sexual, being beautiful even, is something I can’t relate to God’s character and desire for me unless I’m having sex in marriage. The truth is that God wants nothing more than to be the centre of intimacy in my life – in and out of marriage. He wants to be the centre of all beautiful things in our lives. Sexuality is something we can’t live without and it’s not limited to being experienced on a wedding night. It’s a beautiful thing that doesn’t ask for attention, but it is something more than worth investing in. The beautiful things always are.
Beautiful things are worth being embraced. Sexy things are worth being used for a time. Beautiful things are long term. Sexy things are short lived.
Beautiful things will allow you to move slowly. Sexy things are looking for a quick result.
Beautiful things trust. Sexy things manipulate.
For now I’ll keep plugging away at trusting that God is making a beautiful thing out of me. I think the more we know what makes us beautiful, the less we care about anybody else seeing it. Beautiful is a humble thing. Are you a beautiful thing, not asking for attention, or a sexy thing demanding it? Which would you like to be?
Most often I’m the latter, but I know which one I’d like to be. Thankfully I know someone more than grace filled who is big enough to help me with this, and He’s the same Jesus you’ve got.
the rambling missionary 