by erika haveman
I ended the last post by publicly letting you all know that I’m waiting & worthy. I hope that didn’t sound arrogant or self righteous. I’ve just been coming into my own a little more and letting God shape my heart to be the way it was as He intended woman’s to be in the garden – beautifully submitted, wholly aware of the honourable place He gave her to hold. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mean that to sound like she is only ever meant to be a wife (and a certain “kind” of wife at that), though that is easily what I have thought at least once in the recent months. Am I really only as good as being a wife? So what if I am never made one? Am I inherently less valuable? Surely God cannot have planned every woman to be wife (or even “mother”) or else what purpose does that give the thousands of really good, God fearing women who exist as singles across the globe?
Have you ever noticed that there’s no Proverbs 32 man? There’s no “she who finds a husband finds a good thing”? While there are countless examples of men in good relationship with God and hearing God’s voice and responding when they are to take a wife I have yet to discover a passage describing the ideal man like Proverbs 31 does for a woman or anything beyond Ruth that gives any indication on what kind of man I should be looking for. But maybe it’s because I’m not meant to be the one, as a woman, to find. Maybe I’m supposed to focus on being.
I believe God’s Word to be the highest authority over against which I will set my life and I’m attempting to discover what a woman after God’s heart is meant to look like.
She believes in God’s order: I’ve shared about this, through my failings, a few weeks back. I will add that when I was walking out of order I had no idea how wrong I was. I didn’t realize that I may be pressuring and I have to confess if I ever find myself in a situation similar to the one I had found myself in I know I’ll be seriously tested to stay in God’s line. I know I’ll be tempted to try to take control, and I probably at times will take control, but all I can hope is – if God ever gives me to a man – the man will be willing to call me out and put me in line. Now please, please don’t hear “put me in line” as something dominant or degrading. I think often the aspect that’s missing between a man and woman is a communication piece that allows both sexes to function as God intended. Man will avoid communication (which hurts both people) and woman will try to compensate by communicating what she thinks the man must do (which hurts both people). I’m really no expert but from personal experience and gathering stories from other women (and on occasion men) I’d say “put me in line” looks more like the woman communicating what she’s thinking and feeling (NOT WHAT THE MAN MUST DO) and the man responding with words explaining his why. The woman must then trust (which is what the man is asking for, essentially) and the man must take action (which is what the woman is asking for, essentially). But even to come to that place the couple must be willing to communicate. They must both be aware of God’s order.
She is faithful in her following of Jesus: Reading through the Gospel of Luke a subtle message Luke delivers is the value of women. His Gospel begins with the “traditional” view of a Biblical woman: good for child bearing (Elizabeth, Luke 1:24-25). From there it progresses to good for childbearing to also worthy to be used to fulfill the promises of the Old Testament (Mary, Luke 1:34-38). After Mary we see a woman who has been faithful for 80 years, choosing to stay widowed because she longed so greatly for the Messiah (Anna, Luke 2:36-38), then we see women thriving at hospitality (Peter’s mother after she’s healed, Luke 4:38-41), and women supporting Jesus in His ministry (Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Susanna, Luke 8:1-4). Women are at the cross as Jesus dies and he delivers them a prophetic message (Luke 23:27-29) and then it’s women who first discover Jesus has been resurrected (Luke 24:1-10). Additionally throughout Paul’s letters it’s evident women are leading and pioneering churches and ministries in the name of Jesus. Overall it seems that once the Messiah hits the scene women are shown and proven to be faithful followers of Jesus. Their prominence, use and purpose compared to the Old Testament seems much more developed. Therein I’m led to conclude that God always meant women to first and foremost find their main focus and goal to be seeking Jesus, declaring Jesus, knowing Jesus, following Jesus – regardless of marital state.
She is responsible with what God has entrusted her: Looking into the Old Testament we can at times see glimpses of the high value of women. Notice that “wisdom” is often humanized with a “she”, there’s an entire chapter in Proverbs that outlines what a Godly woman looks like (Prov. 31) and Proverbs 18:22 states: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.” Ladies this is a high calling. Many of us are sitting around wondering where our good men are but have we done some hard leg work to be the woman God expects us to be? Please don’t mishear me (possibly again): you will never be perfect. There will never come a moment when you’re “ready enough” to be a wife. We cannot change just so we become the “good thing” a man finds. We need to be willing to change because we believe Jesus is worth it. The more we allow Jesus to change us the more He gives us desires that are fully His for us and therein we will see Him provide those desires. I think that’s the true meaning of Psalm 37:4. I mean have you ever noticed the verses directly before and after that talk about trusting in God and committing your ways to God? Yet somehow there’s that little verse in the middle that lets me believe I know my desires are much better than God’s desires for me.
I have a very real, deep, inner fear that suggests that if I am all for Jesus then He won’t make me a wife. You know something? He might not ever present me. He might not make me a wife. He might not make me a mother. But He will be faithful to me. He will give me the desires He has placed inside of me because He knows me better than I know myself and knows what is best for me. Why should I fear? I will fear because I’m human. Even if He gives me to a man and that man finds me as a good thing there will be another fear. Fears cannot run my life. Jesus can run my life. So I’ll run after Him because while it’s exhausting and at times painful it’s also the best, most life giving existence one could have, more full of joy and steadfast love than could ever really attempted to be explained.
the rambling missionary 