Selfie Game Strong

by erika haveman

If you’re anything like me you’re a terrible selfie taker. Like, everything about selfie’s you fail at. From always getting your arm in the shot (too cheap for a selfie stick) to only trying 8 times for the perfect face (apparently girls take hundreds of selfie’s before they Instagram their overly edited shot) to just not feeling cool about taking a picture of yourself in front of Niagara Falls. Maybe I’m old or maybe I’m just old school, but how did selfie’s become a thing? Since when do selfie’s help any of us, anyways? I’m all about being culturally aware and gracious and helpful, but how is taking a selfie helping anyone?

All of this struck me the other day when I was having a good eye day. You know what I’m talking about, ladies? The shadow, mascara, liner, lighting – it’s just all come together and you feel on fire! Like really, you can take on anything, and you aren’t naive when the guys in the line up next to yours at Canadian Tire are checking you out (although, that may be because you are buying a vacuum, and men like women who can keep house, apparently. Joke’s on you boys – the vacuum was for my mom). Good eye days are great, and I don’t have too many because it takes an extra 8 minutes to do my eyes, and it’s just so much easier to throw on some mascara (if that) and get to my day. It’s always on good eye days that I want to take selfies. I want some affirmation from the world that tells me I am beautiful, fiery, gorgeous, worthy, valuable, wanted – all because I’m having a good eye day. I’m not just talking about the sideways glances from men who won’t take action; I’ve ranted about that before here. No, I’m talking of that affirmation that we can only find from one place: social media. So as I laid on my bed taking selfie after selfie on that good eye day, trying to get just the right angle and lighting, I started realizing the vanity of it all.

I’m 27, it’s a Saturday afternoon, I’m alone, and I’m taking pictures of my face. Everything about that sentence is immature. Mostly because…no, everything about it is self proclaimed lame. I could be sewing or writing cards or reading the dictionary or even baking – anything that will prove that I’m productive and useful to the world! Something that will legitimately be upping my wife game. But no…I’ve decided to devote minutes (hours?) playing the selfie game, staring at my own face being my own biggest critic. How did life come to this? Why the need for the selfie?

As I was attempting to get the great shot for the selfie I found myself becoming more and more picky about my appearance, the placement of my hand, the size of my nose, the wrinkles on my forehead, the thinness of my hair. How is this healthy? The shot I am using for this post is the last one I took (out of the 8 I had the patience for…okay maybe it was 12), and it’s the face of realization that nobody will ever critique me more than I critique myself. I wonder, then – am I the only one who critiques myself? I will safely assume I’m not (which, of course, in saying that I risk making an ass out of myself) and I will daresay that every time any girl posts a selfie ever they’ve spent some moments leading up to pressing the “Post” button asking themselves, “is this good enough? Do I like this? Do I look good? I’m not sure…but my eyes look great. Whatever, I’m just posting it.” There always comes a moment of resolve when we feel like we’re throwing caution to the wind, risking our very own bodies or faces or legs or unmentionables to see if someone will “like” us.

Why is my self worth, value, esteem, beauty, confidence all shoved into a pixelated image thrown into cyberspace? Whether you confidently post a selfie or timidly throw the picture out there, there will inevitably be a moment when you decide to risk yourself in the hopes of approval from someone. Don’t tell me I’m lying or making this up or that this is bull shit because you know I’m right. “That’s not the main reason why I posted that selfie,” you’ll say. Sure, fine, it’s not the main reason. But what is the reason?

I’m my own biggest critic. I post selfie’s because I want man’s (both male and female) approval. That’s really the only reason why. I may say other things like “oh, it’s for my blog” or “oh, it’s for my birthday” or whatever, and that may be true. Regardless, for me, it’s ultimately about approval, validation, confidence. And yes, I may get all of those things when I post the selfie – but at what cost?

If I don’t get as many likes as I’d hoped for, my confidence lags. If I get negative comments, my heart hurts.

If I get hundreds of likes, my confidence boosts. If I get lots of smiley’s with the hearts for eyes my heart swells with happiness.

Am I really letting social media control me like that?

Yes, yes I am.

That’s on me. The fact that I let so many voices control the way I feel about myself in my weakest (yes, weakest) moments is my own fault. See posting the selfie of when I’m having a good eye day may seem like I’m strong, bold and confident (inevitably this is the image I’m trying to promote) – but as soon as I flip the camera onto my own face something inside me starts to falter. The strength gets sucked into plumping up my lips and pinching my cheeks to give them colour and working on relaxing my eyes to avoid extra wrinkles on the side of my face.

I’m not saying don’t attempt to take a nice picture, because by all means, take the nice picture. Take the selfie with your ladies or your kids or your hubs. Have fun! Hey, we all need that small photo to throw on Facebook to give a face to our names. But “selfie game strong” should never be a thing, and quite frankly I hope I stop trying to play at all. If you’re alone and feel the need to take a picture of yourself for the world to see, reevaluate. If you want to make sure someone sees your great eye day, by all means, take the selfie and text it to your bestie. She’s always good for affirmation, and her words probably matter more than any emoji on Instagram could ever truly convey.

Anything that makes you overly criticize your looks, your personality, your value, your worth? Put an end to it. Stop it in it’s tracks. For me, too many selfies (whether they’re posted to social media or not) means too much self condemnation. There’s a difference between self examination (which I think is a necessary part of following Jesus) and self criticism. Examination is about improving. Criticism rarely does anything of the sort.

You should be your own biggest fan, not your own biggest critic. Throw away the latter (and the selfie stick?) altogether – they just damage the former. Your self(ie) will thank you for it.

If you’ve enjoyed reading this, please do me a BIG favour and share this around on social media! I know, I know, I just said that whole thing about social media and validation and how that’s where we shouldn’t get it. But this isn’t about my validation. I know I often am looking for things to read that my friend’s have appreciated, and I find those things via things like Facebook and Instagram. You sharing this may just be the key someone else needs today.
Thanks for reading & sharing!