Weight & Beauty: Part 3 – All the Other Gorgeous Women

by erika haveman

don’t forget to read weight & beauty: part 1 – the very first lie
and
weight & beauty: part 2 – do guys matter?

Have you ever been at a wedding and looked around at the other beautiful, dressed up, high class, fine women and wondered where you fit it? You’d scope out who you measure up to, physically, and who you score higher than. Maybe you’ve had the thought, “well, at least I look better than her.”

Nobody will admit this out loud, but you’ve probably had those thoughts.

No? Just me? Okay…well then. I’m awful, I know. But I’m here to repent and commit to moving past this with you.

As women we often compare ourselves to each other. After being our own biggest critics, and allowing men to set our standards, we often let women predict how we feel about ourselves, too. Newsflash, friend: no other woman makes you uglier, and no other woman makes you prettier. We need to to stop letting ourselves compare, and rather we need to start building each other up in love.

In Part 1 we looked at the first lie that we believed that led us into the place of not embracing our own bodies. In Part 2 we considered whether or not guys mattered in this whole ordeal about whether or not our bodies are beautiful. In Part 3 we’re going to be considering all the other gorgeous women.

It is so easy to look at the magazine cover and feel “less than” (even though we know that image has been airbrushed over more times than we’ve bothered to brush our hair this month). It’s hard to miss the girl across the cafeteria and want her luscious, flowing blonde locks (seriously, how some girl’s hair just falls perfectly around their faces is beyond my understanding). You can’t help but notice that girl’s teeth as she smiles to the cute guy barista at the coffee shop and wish that you had teeth as white and straight as hers (for real, do you use baking soda on those chompers?) It is IMPOSSIBLE to go to the beach without noticing all the girls who have no muffin top, no cellulite, no arm sag, no messed up bikini line (and this is real life! There is no airbrushing here!!) Ladies, it is almost EFFORTLESS to make snap judgements on your own body just by looking at another woman’s – am I right or am I right?

Look. If you’re unhappy with your body no amount of lamenting yours over the next woman’s is going to fix that. No losing “just 3 more pounds!” is going to change that permanently. No diet of lemon water will make you a better person on the outside. Nope. This is a problem that can only be fixed from within.

Will getting more exercise and eating healthy add to your life and make you a good steward of your body? Absolutely! But what I’ve learned is that me criticizing and comparing my body doesn’t make for good motivation to “get healthy.” There are two elements to our little comparison game here:

1. My body is not my own (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). God doesn’t make ugly things (Psalm 139). You need to choose to honour and love your body and that will take a resolve that only you can find from your Creator.

2. Your sister’s body is not her own. God didn’t make her different than you physically because He wanted you to feel “less than.” You need to choose to honour and love your sister because you are called to encourage and build up (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

As I mentioned in Part 2, I came to a point where I realized that God doesn’t make ugly things. Therefore, I cannot ever be ugly. How this plays out amongst other women can be tricky. We don’t want to be arrogant, but we don’t want to be all “oh no, my hair looks terrible, it’s YOUR hair that looks great!” Because that, in and of itself, is actually a form of arrogance.

If we want to see other women as beautiful, and see ourselves as equally so, we need to determine to be a bit more selfless. The more I think that I am more pretty or more ugly than the next girl, the more I’m thinking of me. I know that’s redundant, but we are called to think less of ourselves, and more of God and others. Interestingly enough, do you know what’s not a fruit of the Spirit? Selflessness. Why? I think it’s because in order to bear fruit you need to be selfless. I cannot love well if I am focused on what I can get out of loving someone. I can’t be patient with someone if I’m trying to push my agenda. I have a hard time exercising self-control if all I can think about is what I want. Living selflessly is the key to a good life, my friend.

How can you live this out genuinely? Well, telling yourself you’re beautiful is a great first step. But I’ve already given that to you as homework. This week I want you to focus on the beautiful women around you and work on not comparing yourself to them. Onto this week’s assignment, then!

Homework:

This week’s homework is twofold.

1. Give an honest compliment. Notice something nice about another woman, and tell her. If you find yourself criticizing someone, switch your train of thought to find 3 nice things about that other woman.

2. Receive a compliment. Now, I know this one isn’t within your control because I don’t want you going around berating people to compliment you, BUT if it naturally happens in a conversation or in passing I want you to say, “Thank you,” and DO NOT OFFER A COMPLIMENT IN RETURN. I know this sounds selfish and arrogant, BUT as a Western culture in general we are TERRIBLE at receiving. How can I genuinely receive grace, love, blessing, disicipline, rebuke, and teaching from God when I can’t even receive a simple compliment without denying it’s truth? When we receive a compliment we’re acknowledging that what God made is good, and we’re letting people know that we believe God doesn’t make ugly things. You are not an ugly thing – receive your next compliment like you believe it, and soon enough you may find that you actually do.

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