by erika haveman
“If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” – Deuteronomy 24:5
Should couples take the first year of their marriage off? I mean it’s Biblical, right?
If I had a quarter for every time I heard people use this to justify taking a year off from working during their first year of marriage…well personally I’d probably have less than $2. But I know this is actually a common thought in many Christian circles.
While I am a huge advocate of ensuring a healthy investment in your marriage, I am at the same time a proponent of healthy Biblical exegesis (or interpretation). This verse in Deuteronomy is not at all suggesting we should take a year off when we get married just to “bring happiness” to our spouse. If you have the finances and resources, by all means it is not going to hurt your fresh bonds of marital covenant. However the reason this was written was for much more practical reasons – one that is usually the opposite of why we, in our modern culture, would consider taking a year off.
You see Deuteronomy was written on the verge of Israel entering the promised land. We learned in Joshua that God promised the land to Israel, but they still needed to be obedient, grasp boldness by the horns and go into battle. They were still responsible to show up and fight physically in order to experience God’s blessings. When we’ve put this in perspective, we can start to see why men were told to take a year off before going to war.
What is the risk that comes with going to fight? The risk is death. God didn’t promise that all of the Israelites would live through the years of warring other nations in order to take hold of the promised land. That is not in Scripture. Keeping this in mind, then, what would be the advantage to a man staying at home for a year to “bring happiness” to his wife? Can anybody guess?
Nope, it’s not so they can together experience a wild year of passion.
No, it’s not so they could sort out the unspoken expectations of “I thought you were going to wash the dishes!” and “I thought it was your job to take out the trash!”
It is definitely not so they can travel and experience the joys of seeing the world together.
These are all good things to do and learn together, but that’s not what the Bible is even close to thinking. The Bible is much more practical.
Babies!
Without a child, a son specifically, there would be nobody to carry on the family name. This was of utmost importance in Israelite culture! It also meant that there would be nobody to provide for the woman as she aged, if there was no heir in place. She would become destitute if her husband were to die in battle. A child brought hope and promise. Because this was wartime for Israel, it would be next to impossible for the brother of a woman’s husband to fulfill the duty of bringing an heir into the family (Deut. 25:5-6). It wasn’t a perfect system, but it was still God’s grace to His people. The “happiness” brought to a woman would come in the form of a child – an heir to carry on the family name. If this passage is arguing anything it is that a man should make sure he is serving his wife during her pregnancy (that may or may not have been sarcasm).
Marriages don’t need a year to figure things out. Marriages need their entire life this side of heaven to do that.
If you’re going to take a year off as newlyweds this is not a bad decision. But don’t justify it using this passage. Just do it because you are able to, and do so because you want to make God’s name great by serving and loving Him. Take a year and do missions or build a home together and host dinners for those less fortunate than your or go to school and finish your degrees. Taking a year off doesn’t have to look extravagant; “a year off” to invest in your marriage means learning to together submit two lives to one God.
This is part of a series going through the entire Bible to offer you a bigger picture on God’s standards for sexuality. The opening post can be found here.
the rambling missionary 