by erika haveman
Here’s my most recent moment of being open and broken: I’m naturally inclined to laziness. Sure, sometimes I need to recharge and yes spontaneity tends to exhaust me more than excite me. That’s just self awareness. But often I’ll take the easy road called laziness. Laziness isn’t just oversleeping or always eating fast food. It can simply be doing things at 50% when you’ve been created to do things in His strength at 100%.
I’ve been in Ontario for about 3 weeks now and I leave again in 2 weeks. Since getting back a fundamental shift has started in my brain and body. I’d like to call that shift inspiration.
We’ve all been inspired by something or someone. A sunset or a report on the news or a really good meal at a restaurant. Each of us will find different things inspiring. I know whenever I see someone running I think, “Good for you! You inspire me!” Or I hear of a friend who gets up early each morning to spend time with the Lord and I say, “Wow! You’re so inspiring!”
I’m realizing those words are so empty because I’ve let them be overcome with laziness. You see I really think inspiration should correlate with motivation. Sure, there are times when, say, the sunrise inspires a new feeling in you and that in its own way is an activity of the heart or soul or mind. But I’m talking about being inspired out of the lazy.
When I got home 3 weeks ago I decided that I was going to let myself get inspired out of the lazy. You see for a while now I’ve been noticing a few friends on social media doing physically active things and I kept thinking, “Wow – they are so inspiring!” When realistically I wasn’t really letting them inspire me, I was just letting them get on with their less-than-lazy lives while I kept drawing on excuses to not get up and go. But then one friend started to get the gears turning.
Just to preface this testimony of my friend, he passed away on May 20, 2017. He had cycled across Canada not once, but twice. The first time he did so he was in his 50s. That was inspiring. He’d told me about his rides, the training he’d do, the intensity with which he’d ride, the early mornings he committed to experiencing on his bike. I’d tell him he’s amazing and I’d sit in awe of his activities. I’d think, “I should do that!” before sitting down and letting the thought drift from my mind.
A couple years ago he presented me with a heartbreaking question. He’d been diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer in mid 2015 and given weeks to live. On his deathbed as I said goodbye (and prayed for healing all in the same evening) he told me at his last Dr’s appointment, when the Dr. told him he had weeks to live, my friend asked the Dr, “So when can we set up my next appointment?” My friend was full of hope, and when told he was going to die he refused to believe it. After we said our goodbyes the Lord started to heal him, and eventually the cancer was nearly gone. It was then my friend presented me with a question that would haunt me for a long time. He said, “Erika, you know your purpose. But I don’t know why God healed me. What’s my purpose?”
It was a devastating moment when my eternal optimist friend was vulnerable enough with me to express himself as grasping for hope and truth. I don’t remember the words I shared, but likely words of hope that weren’t my own. I sought that answer for him, silently and in conversation, and questioned if he’d figured out his answer. When the cancer came back more aggressively in late 2016 we knew this would be it. I continued to wonder if he’d found his answer to his purpose, if he knew that God had been using his life as a testimony and inspiration to so many. This was when I started to ask myself, “Have I really been inspired by him to change my life, or is it all talk?”
Sometimes we may not seem lazy, but if we use only our words we’re only expending half the energy. We can, and should, go at 100%, in all we do. That means 100% inspired, 100% challenged, 100% rested. It’s a balance we need to actively seek and we will find.
So I let his life inspire me. I started going to the gym and biking. I told myself that once I started getting into a rhythm I could really, truly be honest when I told him he’d inspired me. I’d think about the excitement on his weary, fading face when I’d tell him what I’d started to do, and that would egg me on with inspiration to pedal harder, faster and get stronger and steadier. I started to let this revelation of true inspiration continue to inspire me. I started to see that inspiration is an active term. I started to let myself be inspired by others and to not just use my words to encourage others with, “Wow, you’re so inspiring!” but I let myself get uncomfortable and take action on being inspired. If I was going to tell someone they inspired me, I’d better be doing something about it.
The same weekend I heard of my friend’s death I was a youth convention volunteering. I’d met someone there who inspired me to share Jesus in a very direct way. Their method of sharing the Gospel was to walk up to someone and ask, “Hey, do you know Jesus?” or “Hey, do you know the Gospel?” I thought he was crazy and yet I was inspired. But was I inspired enough to do something?
I never got to share with my friend that I’d started to cycle. He passed away before I took the chance. With this painful thought of missing out ringing in my ears on the last morning at the youth convention I boldly approached a girl I didn’t know, who was not attending the convention and I asked her, “Do you know Jesus? Like, do you really know Jesus?”
It’s an effort and a half to get out of bed at 6am and get on a bike. It was a terribly awkward and uncomfortable moment when I walked up to that girl and asked her if she knew Jesus.
But is being healthier worth it? Is sharing Jesus worth it? Absolutely. I don’t want to miss the chance to take action on the inspiration I say I’ve received.
How will you be inspired today? This week? This month? You can be inspired and you can make a difference – and through your action you’ll probably inspire more activity. Your words and your actions matter.
Be the inspiration you want to be inspired by, drawing strength and courage from the Source of life Himself, and you’ll never have a reason not to see the world change.
the rambling missionary 