by erika haveman
I read something on social media the other day and it said, “Surround yourself with people that make you happy.”
Although I can appreciate the sentiment and heart of the statement, I actually found myself slightly grieved. When did we become a culture that lives to make ourselves happy? Maybe this is always the way it’s been. I don’t think we should live to make ourselves sad, but is being happy really the best we can do? As believers, I think we can do far better.
Years ago when I was attending a girls club at my church called GEMS there was a song we’d sing about encouraging one another and building each other up. It was based off of 1 Thessalonians 5:11, and as I consider what is better than simply surrounding myself with people who make me happy this verse comes to mind.
Paul writes this verse in the context of preparing for the day when Jesus will return. He admonishes the people to live in the light of Christ and not live in the darkness, doing things that the darkness encourages. What does it really mean to live in the light? By extension how can we define building each other up?
When you think about a small candle in a dark room it can be considered a source of comfort. It’s a symbol of hope, a beacon found for rejoicing. Sure, it makes me feel happy, but the candle isn’t there simply and only for my happiness. It’s their to bring light to a dark place, direction where there is no direction, and hope when all things feel lost.
I would much rather surround myself with people that help me to shine brighter. People that challenge me to step out of darkness and live in light. Sometimes this actually means experiencing hurt.
Of course, I’m not saying you should intentionally put yourselves into situations where you will find yourself in any capacity getting injured. Please, if you have the foresight to know that you could get hurt, do not bring yourself willingly into that situation for the sake of finding the light on the other side. But the reality is that people are people, and sometimes we get hurt, or things happen we don’t expect and pain is ushered in. Those moments require so much more than just happy people by our side. They demand dynamic empaths, strong believers of grace, and wise kingdom builders.
Life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. More often it’s about the storm and life in a cocoon. It’s about the transformation. Having people walk alongside of you as you get soaking wet in the rain or shift and squirm in an uncomfortable and limiting shell is so much more valuable than people who will just make you happy.
Will one experience happiness? Yes! Definitely! Please smile, be grateful, be happy! But don’t settle for just happiness in your friendships. Use your words to encourage and challenge others. Initiate relationship that doesn’t allow people to sit back and let life happen around them. We are called to love, and love means never letting someone stay the same. Jesus loves us as we are, most certainly, but He also calls us to live more and more as a reflection of Him.
James 1:22-25 suggests that we need to partner our faith and belief in Jesus with action. Our faith saves us, our actions sanctify us – they make us look more and more like Jesus. Jesus was without sin. How dare we suggest that Jesus loves me as I am and believe simultaneously that He thinks I should continue to live in my own brokenness? If that is the case what was the point of the cross? Why the empty grave? If my life isn’t continually being shaped to look more like the life of Jesus then maybe I haven’t surrounded myself with the right kind of people to help challenge me to weather the storm.
Jesus looks at us and sees us worthy of saving, so that is what He did. But even to the woman caught in adultery He said, “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (John 8:11)
I will never be perfect because I never have been perfect. But I think believing that I should simply “surround myself with people who make me happy” can lull me into thinking that I don’t need to try and allow myself to look more like Christ. Jesus didn’t come to bring me happiness. He came to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth. In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus makes it clear that He came as the answer to the promise to Abraham that all people and nations of the earth would belong to God. Jesus came to fulfill the Law, becoming the dwelling place for mankind, being the great high priest who mediates our requests to the Father, and giving himself as the ultimate sacrifice for the sins of the people. Jesus came to ensure that David would forever see a king from his line on the throne, establishing a kingdom that would last long after Jesus (and David) had left the earth. Jesus came to crush death, to make it possible for people to enter into the presence of a holy God and to make right relationship possible again, just like in the garden.
You see how our lives are called to be so much greater than just finding happiness? We are called to partner with Jesus in bringing heaven to earth. We are called, as believers, to surround ourselves with a great cloud of witnesses who are ready and willing to face life’s perils, having confidence together that light is greater than darkness and that Jesus truly is the answer to all of life’s questions.
Jesus is it.
So who do I want to be surrounded by? Not people who just make me happy, but people who are willing to be a beautiful part of the sanctifying process Jesus calls me to live out on this side of heaven.
the rambling missionary 