by erika haveman
Trauma: a deeply distressing or disturbing event.
There’s a good chance we’ve all suffered through some kind of trauma. Trauma is subjective. It will be different for each of us. What can be traumatic and life altering for somebody could barely phase someone else. You know those sayings about how we should be kind to everyone because we never know what they are going through? I think they are accurate.
I am no expert on trauma. I have never studied psychology. I’ve read some articles, I’m curious about the complexity of the brain, I’ve responded to and managed several crises. As I was recently talking to a friend of mine about a situation I had encountered our conversation turned personal. She shared with me about a loved one who has managed to never deal with trauma in their life. As a result they’ve had a hard time maintaining relationships and emotional safety is nearly impossible, believing counselling and therapy is for the weak. It was so heartbreaking to me as I heard her share. It was also heartbreaking to realize that I think a lot of us respond to hardship by shutting down. It’s our default position to avoid what’s hard. It’s easier to shove it away and live life. Besides didn’t Jesus conquer the cross? Didn’t He come to bring my life abundantly?
What do you think life would be like if God listened to Jesus when He begged, “Father, take this cup from me”? What if God had said, “Okay, you’re right. We can shove away the hard thing and just go on living life”?
What if we only had the empty grave?
One of my soap boxes – probably the only one that really matters – is that we understand the necessity for both the cross and the empty grave. I often feel like we forget about the empty grave. Personally, though, I think I’ve pounded the empty grave for so long I’d been missing the power of the cross.
Power: the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality.
Can we connect some dots here: Jesus was fully human when He went to the cross. Why else would He beg the Father to take away what was about to be the one traumatic event in history a human being willingly chose to experience? Jesus willingly chose to insert Himself into a trauma; He carried the power to know pain. Jesus’ ability to know pain and live through it is part of the power of the cross and the empty grave. I think we like to think this means we will never know pain but I want to challenge us: what if it means that it’s so he will know our pain?
Yes, what Jesus did was begin to usher in the opportunity for eternal life with Him and no, I will never need to suffer in hell for all eternity for my wrong choices. There’s that very real aspect to the cross and the empty grave. But this 3 day traumatic event has got to be more or else why is my life not happy all the time? Why do I feel pain? Why is denying my pain and saying “but Jesus took it!” not enough?
In 1 Timothy Paul says “The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” (Emphasis mine).
Do I let the trauma’s of my life be given their moment of power so that I may know the power of the grace of the Lord poured out in abundance and so Christ Jesus might display his immense patience for others to see and therein believe in Jesus? Or do I try to hold it all together, stay strong, put my nose to the ground and live like I’m fine?
I’ve said it a million times before (so it feels) but the more I ignore my pain the more I deprive myself of joy. Some of you are wondering why you feel unfulfilled or why relationships keep falling apart or why you don’t feel close to anybody and I challenge you: when was the last time you felt your pain? When was the last time you felt your pain and invited Jesus into that? When was the last time you let yourself believe that Jesus knows your pain? I am more prone to saying, “Jesus but you don’t understand” then I am to say, “Jesus thank you for understanding.”
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
I am no expert on trauma. But I am quite confident no healing will be found through trauma, no empty grave will be found, if the cross is not first experienced with Jesus. No singular person will be enough for you. Counsellors and therapists will help, someone you love can be a safe place, but no human being is sustainable or strong enough to carry your trauma to the place of freedom you need. But Jesus can. Jesus set the example. Jesus not only gave you eternal life but He wants you to know freedom now. Today. He wants you to invite Him into your place of pain. He wants to be to you who God was to Him. When you say, “Jesus take this cup from me; Jesus I can’t bear this pain,” He is but waiting for you to say, “but not my will; your will, Jesus.” Jesus leads us gently into the depths of our pain so that He can lead you into the fullness of His joy.
I beg you: let Him take you into the unknown places of your being. Only there will you find Him, the only true sustainer and healer, the source of empathy and joy. Submitting to His will for your every day – not just eternity – will bring you now the life everlasting we know exists.
the rambling missionary 