by erika haveman

‘“About this time next year,” Elisha said, “you will hold a son in your arms.”
“No, my lord!” she objected. “Please, man of God, don’t mislead your servant!”
But the woman became pregnant, and the next year about that same time she gave birth to a son, just as Elisha had told her.’

This interaction can be found in 2 Kings 4 between Elisha and a woman from Shunem.  She had housed Elisha and to thank her Elisha asked what he could do for her.  She was quite settled and didn’t need anything, but Elisha’s servant informed him that she was barren.  When Elisha realized what she desired and how it was something only a sovereign God could do, he made a bold promise.  In doing so he was offering her a hope that she had long stopped believing could exist for her.  Her reaction is very human, and it’s one of fear.  A similar reaction is seen in Sarai when she’s told she’ll have a son, only her disbelief is expressed in a mocking laughter.  Both reactions are incredibly human, and while I’m not convinced these stories should be used to prove that God makes barren women capable of conceiving (though He certainly is able), I think we can all see a piece of ourselves in the women.

As I studied the story in Kings a little while ago I connected with the lack of hope these women had.  I started to realize for so long that I saw hope as something that falls into the sphere of being positive.  While some could continue to argue that, I am going to suggest that hope is deeper than just a positive way of thinking.  This isn’t mean to sound negative, because hope is certainly not that either, but hope is terrifying.

Continue reading “Hope is Terrifying”

by erika haveman

For the past few weeks I’ve tried to get us thinking critically about beauty and value.  I’ll be honest, most of my blogs are a result of two things: what God is teaching me and “social research”.  While the former is easily understood the latter may need some explanation.  Social research are conversations I’ve intentionally had in order to gauge people’s opinions on different subjects.  Usually those subjects surround the topics most often found on my blog, of course.  Some people may discount this approach, but I’ve often stumbled upon some of the wisest people with greater brilliance than I while I’ve invested myself in my social research.

When I brought up the topic of beauty vs value to a friend she had some interesting insight, something I hadn’t thought of. She suggested that if one isn’t getting their value from beauty they are probably getting it from what they do.  It was a comment that shocked me only because I had never thought of it.  This is why the social research is so important.  You should all try it.  Real, compelling conversation.  I think sometimes we shy away from it because it feels vulnerable (which it can be) and we’re also afraid we won’t have time to finish the conversation (which is silly because we can just continue it later).

Anyways.  Since her suggestion I started to observe that we may even find more value in ourselves by what we do over how beautiful we find ourselves.

Continue reading “Why Are You Valuable?”

by erika haveman

It was over – again.  The hope, unspoken, barely admitted, though thoroughly wrestled through, fell away like it had so often done before.  As usual there was someone more beautiful who was going to win.

“But Erika, you are beautiful!” I can hear you say.

Thank you, you are kind.  I may even believe you.  I may even convince myself that my other friend speaks true when she says I have a “hot bod.”  But the compliments fall flat when you aren’t the most beautiful (or simply aren’t a words of affirmation person, like myself).  It’s not that I think I’m offensive looking by any means.  You’ve maybe read in other blogs of mine that I’ve on occasion seen my reflection in a mirror and begged the question, “How am I single!?”  Regardless of how I feel about myself, my confidence doesn’t make me, physically, the most beautiful.  There are other people who take that trophy.  Several thousand, actually, without fail or any effort of their own. Continue reading “I’m not Beautiful: An Average Girl’s Perspective on Beauty”

Guest Post by Anna Kate

For me, beauty used to be a HUGE problem in my life. It honestly held me back from a closer relationship with God until He showed me the following 3 things:

BEAUTY IS A TOOL

Beauty is a tool. I believe that it is a gift from God that we can utilize to make good first impressions, please our spouses, create art, attract mates, and much more.

Using beauty as a tool means taking on beauty as a responsibility. Beauty can be used for good, or for evil.

I think that as women, we can embrace our femininity at the appropriate times, gussy up, and look beautiful. We can do this to honour God, honour our spouse, and honour ourselves.

But I also think beauty can be used for evil. I believe that we should never, absolutely never, exploit our beauty for personal gains. I see nothing wrong with putting on an extra coat of eye liner and teasing your hair before your big date, but we should never use our beauty to manipulate other people, get out of taking responsibility for our mistakes, or to seduce the eye of men. Continue reading “I Am Beautiful: A Bombshell Girl’s Perspective on Beauty”

by erika haveman

There’s an opening scene in an episode of Friends where Phoebe asks Rachel and Chandler, who is dating Monica, if they believe in soulmates. Rachel promptly answers that she does, and in order for people to find their soulmate they need to stop looking for them.  She adds, “This is why I’ve stopped looking for Russell Crowe.  He’ll find me.”  While I have maybe applied this line to my own life to get some laughs I am admittedly much more of a Chandler, who responds, “I believe certain people are more suited for each other, and I believe in falling in love, but soulmates, I don’t think they exist.”

What’s funny is the episode unfolds to reveal the man Phoebe is dating is a man Phoebe believes to be Monica’s soulmate – effectively making Chandler anxious that he’ll lose Monica.  All is made well at the end of the episode when Chandler finally asks Monica if she believes in soulmates, to which she affirms she does not, relieving Chandler of the unnecessary stress of the previous 20 minutes.

I would have to agree with Monica and Chandler: soulmates are a nice idea, but unrealistic.  I’m sure the Friends never actually thought too much about it, but I would go one step farther and suggest that to believe in soulmates would be dangerous.  Why?  Funny you should ask, because I have 3 reasons for you!

Continue reading “Stop Believing in The One”

by erika haveman

When I wrote “Nobody Actually Wants to Watch Porn,” I questioned myself (as I often do) when I suggested that, “… I felt confirmed my theory that we as people are seeking a thrill or an ecstasy that makes us feel satisfied, believing that the temporary high is good enough.”  What got me thinking was this idea of the temporary high.  What is it that makes us settle for the temporary rather than holding out for the eternal – especially when it comes to hook ups and the culture surrounding relationships these days?

I read a Snapchat story one day that offered readers “9 Subtle Signs He’s Into You.”  I thought it’d be ridiculous (which it was) but my natural curiosity led me to read the article anyways (although it was a video with words…so I’m still unsure if I read the article or watched it..).  I think I read it because I’d recently had a conversation with a friend about how you can’t read into anything a guy does or says when you’re interested in him.  My mentor once told me that if I wanted to see red, I’d see red all over the place.  Same goes if I like a guy.  If I want him to like me back I’ll be able to read into everything he does as something that suggests he’s actually into me.  This is devastating and unhealthy.  Usually when a guy says “hey, how are you?” he’s not meaning anything beyond, “hey, how are you?” so don’t read into it as, “this must be a DTR!”  I think I recently mentioned how I’d received a message from a guy I’ve harboured a secret (and at times not so secret, depending on who you are) crush on and he just said, “What’s up I miss you!” after a few months of not talking.  Obviously I took this as his admission of attraction.  But after that initial shock, and completely incorrect reaction, settled down I realized that he’s just being a nice guy who misses a friend he made.  There’s nothing to it.  It was just more of the colour red. Continue reading “You’re Worth More Than a Temporary High”