by erika haveman

don’t forget to read weight & beauty: part 1 – the very first lie
and
weight & beauty: part 2 – do guys matter?

Have you ever been at a wedding and looked around at the other beautiful, dressed up, high class, fine women and wondered where you fit it?  You’d scope out who you measure up to, physically, and who you score higher than.  Maybe you’ve had the thought, “well, at least I look better than her.”

Nobody will admit this out loud, but you’ve probably had those thoughts.

No?  Just me?  Okay…well then.  I’m awful, I know.  But I’m here to repent and commit to moving past this with you.

Continue reading “Weight & Beauty: Part 3 – All the Other Gorgeous Women”

by erika haveman

don’t forget to read weight & beauty: part 1 – the very first lie 

We’re all guilty of it.  We’ve all allowed a guy to check us out and as a result we’ve felt pretty good about ourselves.  Or at least we’ve probably felt better about ourselves than we had earlier that same day.  I will be the first to admit that I’m guilty of this.  In fact, I could probably reference you back to other blog posts where I’ve talked about this (like “One Too Many Catcalls” for instance).  The reality is when someone checks me out, I feel really good about myself.  I feel more worthy, valuable, beautiful, attractive…the list could go on.  The larger reality here, though, is that I cannot let those looks, comments, or asks get to my head because they don’t actually determine anything.  At least they shouldn’t.

Continue reading “Weight & Beauty: Part 2 – Do Guys Matter?”

by erika haveman

Before I hit that gloriously confusing stage of life we call puberty I was about as round as a twig.  I was a figure skater, and the demands the sport put on my body kept me thin.  Even as I got taller I was hard pressed to find an ounce of fat on my body.

I quit skating when I was 13.  I could say, “As a result I gained weight,” but being older and wiser I realize that when everyone hits this age their bodies start changing – always for the better.  However, I recall a night sometime after quitting when 15 my parents sat me down and offered what I can only imagine they thought was encouragement since they’d observed my body was changing, no longer being a skater.  Their advice was something along these lines:

“I know you’re not as active as you used to be.  But if you’re not careful, you’re going to get fat.  We know someone whose daughter was as thin as you, but by the time she graduated high school, she was really fat.”

Continue reading “Weight & Beauty: Part 1 – The Very First Lie”

by erika haveman

This article contains some language that may offend.  It’s raw and uncensored, and I apologize in advance if anything offends.  It may be something you read before your child does, but I believe the message is something people of all ages need to heed.

Miley Cyrus.  Beyonce.  Nicki Minaj.  Lady Gaga.  Rihanna.  Ariana Grande.  Demi Lovato.  Selena Gomez.  Every female ever in a Tyga music video.  Even Taylor Swift.  This list could go on.

What do these celebrities have in common?  Regularly they expose their bodies and nobody bats an eye.

Jennifer Lien.  Brad Pitt.  Tommy Lee Jones.  Mae West.

It’s a short list – and you probably don’t know anybody besides Brad Pitt.  But what do these celebrities have in common?  Criminal charges of indecent exposure.

Continue reading “Indecent Exposure”

by erika haveman

If you’re anything like me you’re a terrible selfie taker.  Like, everything about selfie’s you fail at.  From always getting your arm in the shot (too cheap for a selfie stick) to only trying 8 times for the perfect face (apparently girls take hundreds of selfie’s before they Instagram their overly edited shot) to just not feeling cool about taking a picture of yourself in front of Niagara Falls.  Maybe I’m old or maybe I’m just old school, but how did selfie’s become a thing?  Since when do selfie’s help any of us, anyways?  I’m all about being culturally aware and gracious and helpful, but how is taking a selfie helping anyone?

Continue reading “Selfie Game Strong”

Guest Writer: Alynena Krause

“Many Samaritans from that town believed in Him because of the woman’s testimony…” John 4:39.

“God, if you can make this also true for me–that many others come to know You b/c of my testimony, then I can call my pain and my long wait worth it again, not in vain or really full of loss, although it will still sometimes feel that way. Please just make something good, so, so good, something worthy, something holy of this stupid pain and wait that have caused me so much ache. And as this Samaritan woman was able to, allow me, also, to be able to see, physically see, at least some, holy fruit that has come or that is coming or that will come from this pain and this wait. I need that affirmation, God. I need it. Quick!” -Alynena

Recently Erika asked me to write for her Sex Talks from the Single Girl blog about my experiences as a single, Christian woman. Just a warning, it’ll be raw and honest–it’s how I roll.

Continue reading “Guest Post: Because of the Woman’s Testimony”

by erika haveman

I wrote this in early 2015, but at the time was feeling so vulnerable I couldn’t make it public.  I share it now in the hopes that someone out there who is feeling like this can know that they are not alone and it is really, truly possible to push through and find the grace necessary to believe that Jesus is good.  It’s a year later and I have a good idea.  I would not have thought that a year ago, as is evidenced in the following (lengthy) piece of writing.  If you feel alone and don’t know where to turn, don’t hesitate to reach out!  You can always email ofthisgirlsheart@gmail.com for help, prayer, a listening ear & heart and the love is always free..

I had a friend in SBS who was always honest where she was at.  One phrase that she would often use to describe the present state of her heart was to say she “was feeling pretty fragile at the moment.”  I responded to that with countless hugs, snuggles, cuddles – love language = physical touch.  Rarely did I use words when I responded to her.  She didn’t need words.  But I never quite knew what it felt like to be “fragile” in the same sense she was talking about.

Until now.

Continue reading “Relationships (or lack thereof?) Hurt”

by erika haveman

This is an excerpt from a paper I wrote entitled “Getting Along with Getting It On: The  Necessity for Adhering to the Biblical Standards for Sex & Sexuality ”  The full paper can be downloaded for FREE on my homepage.

In the recent years I’ve had countless conversations with Christian young people, some married and some unmarried, who have expressed that being obedient to sexual integrity has been hard because of what their Christian circles of influence have taught them. One thing they are being told is “sex is bad, unless you are married, then it is great.” I remember hearing this partial truth as early as the 7th grade.  Sex itself is not bad and it is, in fact, great. The gaping hole in this encouragement is the unspoken answer to “why” sex is bad outside of marriage and “why” it is great inside the perimeters of marriage, respectively. There is no call for obedience in this ambivalent statement, let alone a mention of who a person needs to be obedient to. In fact you may wonder what this has to do with obedience at all.  We’ll get to that.

Continue reading “{part 4 of 4} Cliché’s Unmarried’s Hear: Sex is Bad, but it’s Great!”

by erika haveman

For the life of me I didn’t know where they went.  I was already running late, and this was just the cherry topped on the ice cream Sundae, wasn’t it?  I always leave them in the same spot…so why weren’t they there?  My franticness increased and my blood pressure rose as I considered all the implications: I’ll be late for work, the vegetables won’t get washed, the people will be angry, my boss will fire me!  All because my keys are missing.  I racked my brains for what I would have done with them.  Finally it struck me that I had a spare in my room, and as I rushed to get them my fears started to calm down as I realized I may just get to work on time after all.  Later on as I was rooting through my purse, looking for something else – I found my keys.  When I stopped looking, there they were.

Continue reading “{part 3 of 4} Cliché’s Unmarried’s Hear: When You Stop Looking, You’ll Find The One!”

by erika haveman

If you’ve never heard the song “Good, Good Father” by Housefires, you need to go listen to that song.  Right now.  In fact maybe YouTube it while you read this (if you can multitask like that), and then go back and listen to it again.  Just soak in it.

The reality is God gives good gifts to His children.  Not because we have done something to deserve that gift, but simply because of who He is.  It’s that genuine.

Continue reading “{part 2 of 4} Cliché’s Unmarried’s Hear: God’s Got a Good One For YOU!”