the rambling missionary

by erika haveman

My life for as long as I can remember has been a series of “in between”.  Presently my “in between” sees me washing freshly picked produce before organizing it into boxes or baskets or bags before selling them to whoever it is that desires fresh food.   It can often be demanding and the hours are long, but I love it.  I’m outside every day, I get to be creative in setting up every day, and it’s always a joy to see a familiar face and exactly what they’re stopping for at the vegetable stand.  The farmer I work for has two market stands – one located at her farm and the other a short distance away at a busy country intersection that links several country towns to the “city”.  I’ll work at both locations throughout a normal week, and though I do love being at the high volume traffic stop, there’s one thing that doesn’t irk me so much as intrigue me.

At least once a day I’ll receive a cat call or a honk or a holler of some kind, not to mention the countless quick looks from men whipping their necks around for one last glance. (I should mention, though, that I do get several honks from people I know.  One friend will start honking a mile away to alert me to his presence.)  Every time this happens I feel like suggesting to them that “this isn’t that kind of corner.”  It doesn’t alarm or bother me, but it makes me roll my eyes.  The other day was one of those days when I just had to laugh.  I was cleaning tomatoes and putting them into baskets when I noticed a long string of construction trucks with large trailers rolling along the road towards my corner.  This is nothing abnormal, as adjacent to the vegetable stand is a township office that plays hosts to township dump trucks and the like, and there are more than a fair share of contractors, builders, carpenters, electricians etc… in the area (if you need a trade, we’ve got more than enough options for you).  There is also a sand pit nearby, and large dump trucks use the roads that meet at the intersection to avoid the busier highways.  Regardless, large trucks full of men aren’t anything to write home about.  Until today when I really got to thinking.  As this convoy rolled up I noticed windows rolled down and men hanging arms and heads out to enjoy the fresh air (did I mention it’s like we’ve got a second summer here in Ontario?  It’s great!)  I knew what was coming next –  a long string of hungry stares.  I entered into the same mode I go into every time I see men lolling their heads out the window – I put my head down and just ignored them.  As the first truck got to the intersection I could still feel the stares, and then I heard the honk. As the truck pulled away it honked again, and then the next truck honked.  I didn’t even bother looking at the second truck.  I glanced up to see if they were all gone, but there was still a third.  As it passed, a guy yelled out the window (as another honk sounded), “that’s all for you, ya know!”  He didn’t say it in a crude or suggestive or harassing manner, he was just making a statement.  It made me almost burst out laughing and a smile rose to my cheeks as I looked up to see a wave and the third truck lumber through the intersection.  I got a smile back from someone in the truck (who knows if it was the same one who had spoken) as I tried to contain the irony of the moment.  What I found so funny was that guys are very odd creatures.  They have no problem checking out a girl, even calling out to her, but dare they ever approach her?  To be sure I wouldn’t actually want that kind of guy asking me out, but the snap judgement I make on that guy is probably just as terrible as the one he’s making of me.

It got me thinking: why do I only every attract guys of this calibre?  This low level, can only whistle at me but never make a move, kind of guy?  Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of guys in construction that I know work hard and are top quality men, nor am I suggesting all people who check out other people are low (to be sure, I’m human too).  But really – am I presenting myself in such a way that warrants this attention?

I could hear a resounding “NO” in my head from every voice I would possibly have presented this question to.  But then why?  It isn’t fair that guys I don’t even know feel comfortable hollering at me yet I haven’t been on an actual date in months.  Where are all the men?  Or just one?  Just one good one?  That’s all I ask.

I am sure there are countless other unmarried women out there asking the same question!  So how do we deal with the pain of this reality?  In October (starting next week!) I’ll be doing a series about clichés unmarried’s hear and I’ll be addressing some of the realities of being an unmarried Christian in this day and age.  But recently, with the question of “Where are all the Godly men!?” in mind I set out to try online dating.

A few things resulted – none of which have been a date, mind you (though this is in part to some other extenuating factors).  Signing up I had my suspicions that there weren’t any guys left in a 50KM radius of my town (let’s even stretch that to 100KM) who were actively seeking Jesus and were what I’d be looking for.  My suspicions have been overwhelmingly confirmed – I think there have been 3, maybe 4, matches in the area.  I don’t know why, but eHarmony thinks it’s great to match me with men in Vancouver or Edmonton or St. Johns, not to mention all the early matches as far south as Pennsylavania (and it’s MY fault my filters are “too strict” and I’m not getting many matches.)  I gotta say, that let me down.  Flying to Winnipeg for a date that may or may not work out isn’t exactly what I had in mind.  What did encourage me, nonetheless, were all the guys out there who seem to be seeking Jesus and looking for a mate.  They were far and few between, but they existed.

It makes me sad that there are so few.  These guys that whistle and stare they probably aren’t all bad.  They’re probably actually respectable (albeit possibly weak willed), hard working, good men.  Just the kind of man any good girl would love.  But I want to be more than just a good girl, and I want more than just a good man.  I want a great man.  One that engages, pursues, seeks – gets out the car and talks to.  Goodness!

So what do I need to change?  Quite frankly – I’m perfect.

Yeah that’s a total lie.

I actually think I need those continued stares, whistles, and honks.  Not to affirm me in any way, but to push me to keep trusting that the Lord is better than all of that.  That He is worth holding on to.  The truth is – I may never receive the gift of that man.  There is no promise within the desire.  Yes, the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts, David speaks to this.  The deepest longing of my life is for intimacy; to be known and fully know.  Yes, this manifests itself beautifully in a loving, God fearing marriage.  But surely this cannot discount a soul who has never and may never get that same experience.  This being a possibility I need daily reminders to bring my life, my heart, and my soul before Jesus so He can gently restore the brokenness of my life on this side of heaven.  I bring all of me to Him because He gave all of Himself to me.  What more could I ask for from a man?

Next week I’ll begin the “Clichés Unmarried Christians Hear.”  Part one will be titled, “You deserve God’s best for you” where I’ll explore this phrase that – at least in my life – has been overused and misunderstood.  I hope you’ll join me!