of vindication

by erika haveman

“Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in integrity, and I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.”
Psalm 26:1

Vindicate: clear someone of blame or suspicion; acquit, clear, absolve, exonerate.

David prays this prayer to clear his name because he has done nothing wrong. What do we know about David? Certainly he was a man’s after God’s own heart. David was chosen by God, anointed through his servant Samuel, and he responded in obedience to that call on his life. The interesting thing about David being anointed as king was that his kingship didn’t happen immediately. Saul was still king – Saul who from the beginning rejected his crown (I mean hiding on baggage to avoid being recognized as king? If that wasn’t evidence he was going to continue in disobedience to God I don’t know what was). David though – he had it all, and he was it all. He honoured God, honoured Saul (when Saul didn’t deserve it) and waited for when the time was divine for him to claim the throne. Then he became king, and he led Israel with his integrity, honesty, respect, and obedience to Yahweh. No unnecessary murders, affairs, cowardice or manipulation, right?

We all know how David “failed”. We know the decisions he made that makes us question whether or not he was a man after God’s own heart. Yet before David spiralled he prayed for vindication; he had trusted the LORD without wavering. He walked in faithfulness, took the advice of honest men, and rejected evil.

I really want to sit here and say that I can pray the same prayer and trust God without wavering. But I really, really struggle with this. I find it very hard to ask for vindication because I am not worthy of vindication. In the past I have made irresponsible decisions in my finances, I’ve chosen to tell the white lie thinking there would be no repercussions, I’ve taken frustration into my own hands and expressed it in ways that didn’t further my relationship with God, I’ve dishonoured my parents…the list could go on. I have no right to ask for vindication.

Yet I need vindication. We all need vindication. We all need help – a lot of help – to be people of integrity. It is so easy to look back on my life and say that I am not worthy of ever becoming a woman of integrity. It is so easy for me to say that I am far past redemption in certain areas. Who is to say that if God brings healing today that I won’t do something stupid to break my arm tomorrow – and need God’s healing again? Who is to say that God will provide finances today, and I spend it on food I don’t get around to eating – and then I need finances again next week for more food?

For some reason I am overburdened with this idea that God won’t provide financially because I’ve not been a person of integrity when it comes to money. I’ve budgeted for things and ran out of money, and needed to charge. I’ve spent money I thought I had and then didn’t have it. I bought too many pairs of shoes. I never thought long term. I didn’t see why I needed to save or invest – not when there was a sale or a need to eat or gas to buy and road trips to go on. I do not feel justified in asking for vindication.

Interestingly enough…it’s because we are justified that we have the ability to freely come to the throne and ask for vindication. Regardless of what our issue is.

Maybe we’ve gotten ourselves into a messy relationship once upon a time. We saw it was breaking us, so we asked for deliverance. God provided a way out. We found healing. Then we met another “nice” guy. Suddenly we’re back in a messy situation and we need deliverance and God brings it along with healing again.

Maybe we’ve said just a couple drinks wouldn’t hurt. Then suddenly we’re laughing harder than usual. Then you wake up not knowing how you got to where you are. Or you come to on the bathroom floor. You know it’s wrong…so you ask for forgiveness and commit to never getting wasted again. But then you’re invited to that party and hey…it’s just a couple drinks.

We all have our cycles. We’re all just like Israel. Look at the book of Judges. It’s got a predictable cycle of sin. Fall into idolatry, engage with other nations, be brought into oppression by another nation, cry out to God for deliverance, God delivers and the land and people are blessed…for a time and a while. Eventually the people are taken into exile. Away from their homes. Dragged away with fishhooks in their noses and a lack of clothing on their backs. But not withouth a promise of restoration. God restores. He brings them back. He sends Jesus after another 500 or so years. Jesus hits the scene, fulfills the law, breaks chains of condemnation on the cross, then comes back to life setting free all those caught in previous sin so they can have new life too.

THIS IS THE REALITY WE LIVE IN. We live in a world where Jesus has already justified us. He has already taken our sin cycle and tossed it into the ocean. Yes I’m responsible for every single terrible decision I make, but He can and will vindicate me so that I CAN walk integrity. It is going to take every single bit of me submitting to Him, it will take me inviting Him into more practical decisions I had never thought about inviting Him into. It will be hard work. It will mean not buying the shoes. It will mean laying aside my wants to see my needs exactly through God’s eyes.

But I’m vindicated. I am a woman of integrity. Christ lives in me. Christ will provide. Christ will heal. Christ will offer all Himself to us because He’s always been offering Himself! ALWAYS. From the dawn of creation right up until this moment and straight into all the moments until He returns and then BEYOND when we’re with Him forever. He gave Himself to Israel, He gave them salvation as we see it in Exodus, He asked them to honour Him through the law, and He disciplined them when He saw them wandering from Him. Just the same, He has given us salvation through Jesus, He asks us to honour Him through the law, and He certainly does discipline us when we don’t listen. He loves us THAT much to say no, sometimes. So if you feel like He’s saying no, ask Him what it is He is teaching you. You may feel like you are learning that same lesson for years. YEARS. Y.E.A.R.S. Does that mean He’s silent? Nope. Does that mean He isn’t faithful? Nope. Does that mean you’re not vindicated? Nope. Does that mean you’re not a person of integrity? Nope. He’s NEVER silent because we have HIS WORD in Scripture that He is always fighting for us. He is ALWAYS faithful because we have seen that He sent His people for discipline and then brought them home. We’re vindicated because we’ve been justified. Therefore you are able to walk in integrity. Your slate is clean. He is FOR you.

Dang. Sit in that for a while. If you don’t think He’s speaking to you nowadays, then start repeating truth to yourself. Sometimes it’s not a matter of silence; it’s a matter of closed ears. The harsh reality of our own humanness hurts sometimes. It sometimes hurts a lot. It usually flows out of a place of expecting and wanting Him to give us the answer we want to hear, when really He’s been saying the same thing the whole time.

“I. LOVE. YOU.”

Is that good enough? Is whatever mess or confusion or frustration you’re in so big as to lie to you that “I LOVE YOU” says the Creator of the universe is not good enough? Keep crying out to Him that you’ll BELIEVE this truth with everything inside of you. Be raw with Him. Be honest. Weep, mourn, wail. He is a faithful God. He will respond. He has responded.

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