the rambling missionary

by erika haveman

I’ll just be straight because that’s what I do: nobody actually wants to watch porn or even have a random hook up.  People want what happens when you watch porn or have sex: pleasure.  And we all think we can find pleasure through means that were never intended to truly satisfy.

I started to think this a while ago as I contemplated why people watch pornography or hook up when there is no true human connection.  We crave to be known, yes, but the cheap counterfeit of being known is being had for a moment in time.  I soon after heard a story on the radio that I felt confirmed my theory that we as people are seeking a thrill or an ecstasy that makes us feel satisfied, believing that the temporary high is good enough.

The story on the radio I heard about was one of a celebrity who’d cost a young woman her job.  She was an employee at a fancy hotel bar.  He is a film-renowned swash buckling, pointy eared, war mongering celebrity (no, I won’t tell you who he was but these hints basically give it away).  He had checked into the hotel where she worked, and assumption has it he went into the bar for a drink and flirted with the young woman – which certainly heightened her interest and likely left her with a thrill that begged for more.  After her shift ended she joined him in his room for what was presumably a pleasure filled night.  She willingly did this, and as a result she was fired from her job (understandably so).  The celebrity, being the apparent gentleman he is, somehow learned of the girl’s job loss as a result of the hook up, tracked down her number and called her to apologize.  How nice of him.

I don’t want to hook up with a random, albeit blushingly attractive, man.  But  I do want the benefits that come with the hook up – which is probably what was on the mind of both the girl and the celebrity.  It’s cheaper to purchase a counterfeit then to save up for the real deal.

In this day and age things like hook ups or watching pornography are cheap and easily accessible forms of pleasure.  Pleasure is our selfish end goal.  It’s one that doesn’t require unending vulnerability, honesty, or that fancy thing called commitment.  Quite frankly, it’s easier to do the easier thing.

Recently I read a study about pleasure and spiritual fulfilment.  Apparently our brains process things like spiritual fulfilment and pleasure filled experiences the same way¹.  When I consider a former addict, who has been set free through Christ, the connection between pleasure and spiritual fulfilment makes sense.  Addicts have lived to light up the part of their brain that processes rewards.  Addicts who have come clean and found Jesus seem to find an incredible satisfaction in God and His gift of salvation to them.  I do not think that is a fluke.

So what does this mean for us?  We don’t need to seek out the pleasure of this world because our brains have been wired to find satisfaction in Christ.

Now, if you’re anything like me (who is an excellent skeptic and one who questions a lot of things) you’ll have read my last statement and wondered what you’re actually supposed to do, then, when you crave pleasure – because undoubtedly you will (at least I know I will).  And my answer to that is something I’m still working on forming.  I mean, what does it mean to actually be satisfied in Christ?  Because no, definitely no, there is no sexual aspect of being in a relationship with Christ, and our culture seems to suggest that satisfaction has sexual connotations.

I think when I realize that pleasure is fleeting and Christ is forever I can start to find a certain level of satisfaction and many levels of comfort.  Realistically I only crave pleasure every so often.  I crave to know Christ and be known by Him on a much more regular basis.

It’s ironic because when I fail and seek pleasure by own means and power I feel broken and guilty.  When I don’t read my Bible or pray or journal I don’t feel at all.  Why is that?  Shouldn’t I feel broken when I am not being intentional about my walk with Christ?  I think it’s because our enemy likes to lull us into a sense of false security.  Apathy is actually to the devil’s advantage and a much more effective means of war than an admission of guilt.  Conviction invites us to move closer to Christ, yes.  But if conviction ends with an admission and doesn’t bring me to being in the Word or interceding for others or praising Him privately and corporately for the love and grace lavished on me then ultimately I’m living for me and being ineffective to the world.  Indifference is what keeps a person from doing anything effective because then we’re being quiet.  You can’t change the world quietly.  But if the enemy can keep you quiet then he’s got you right where he wants you.

This also goes for pleasure seeking, of course.  If you are seeking your own pleasure without regret I would challenge you and ask you this: are you letting yourself become apathetic?  Are you actively seeking to be fulfilled through unhealthy means like pornography or sex with yourself or someone who is not your spouse?  I encourage you by telling you that fulfilment can be found in Christ!  This is a scientifically proven thing.  God has created us to find our satisfaction in Him.  He provides good gifts to assist those healthy longings in His time, and He knows us well enough to know when we can handle those gifts.

Don’t let yourself settle for cheap counterfeits.  God will continue to be faithful, as He always has.

1. https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/ppavjb/the-brain-treats-god-like-drugs-or-sex