by erika haveman
Recently I’ve found myself surrounded by children. Beautiful children who I’m privileged to love and snuggle and hold and swoon over and make silly faces at and cherish. Ask me a few years ago how I felt about kids and I would tell you to keep them far from me! I wouldn’t want to touch them with a 10 foot pole. Not because there was anything wrong with them, but because I was scared I would drop them or mess them up or not be able to interact with them at all. Then came along one sweet, adorable, squishy and cuddly little girl who changed all of that. I had some cousins who had their first child and the moment I held that 8 month old in my arms, I experienced a love for another human being that I didn’t know existed. For the first time in my life I realized that kids might not be so scary, and this motherhood thing is something that I shouldn’t write off quite yet. That child inspired me to get involved with the annual VBS ministry at my church where I graciously (and with great fear) accepted the role of story teller. My first year doing this job I wasn’t so…hmm…how shall we say it? I didn’t know how to talk to kids. I used words much too large for the 5 year olds to understand which resulted in stifled laughter from the adult leaders and blank stares from the kids themselves. I’ve improved since then, spending the 2 subsequent years serving in the VBS ministry, communicating effectively and revelling in every minute of it. I’ve come to love kids, and as much as I can’t say I look forward to the logistics of bringing a child into the world (carrying a watermelon under my skin for 9 months and then pushing it out of me isn’t quite that appealing), I do look forward to raising kids some day.
What is interesting about the piece I’m writing is I set out to pen a gracious response to the slew of women who I hear say, “God has called me to be a mom.” This has always been a confusing statement to me as I’ve never felt “called” to be a mom. Until I held my little cousin for the first time I felt an immense amount of shame in not having a desire to bear children. Now the world expects me to be embarrassed at 27 with no prospects and having a “clock that’s ticking!” (which, by the way, I think is the dumbest saying ever because God is sovereign. Sarai was in her 90’s people). It doesn’t bother me to be unmarried because that is what I believe God expects of me in this season of my life. Therefore, the two questions I will consider over this week and next are these:
- How often do we really consider the expectations God has for us for the season that we’re in?
- Is motherhood a calling?
I’m going to look at the latter question first.
Parenting is Biblically sanctioned. It’s a responsibility for all women and men who acknowledge God as their Creator in order to fulfill the cultural (kingdom) mandate as laid out in the beginning. This is going to look differently for different people. Sometimes it’s going to look like parents doing the deed and bearing children using their own bodies. Sometimes it looks like adoption or artificial insemination or surrogacy. In considering the outline God offered to his male and female creations, those fashioned in His image and likeness, it is evident that parenting is a calling and a responsibility. How so? Consider with me Genesis 1.
After God creates man (male and female) and blesses them He says, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth… “ (Genesis 1:28)
It seems to me that in this passage God masterfully makes clear that one is called to:
- Be fruitful & multiply (make babies/raise kids so that humankind can continue)
- Fill the earth and subdue it (plant, grow, create, dream up, invent etc… things so as to sustain you and the world and those babies you made)
- Have dominion over all living things (treat creatures with dignity and respect their strength as completely different than yours)
Okay, there is definitely some of my own biased interpretation in the above 3 things, but despite my extra definitions it is clear there are not 1 but 3 things man (male and female) are responsible to accomplish while they are physically alive on this earth. We are not limited to 1 of the 3 things, but we are expected to be contributing to all of them at all times (not every second of every day, don’t get so technical on me!)
I’m not saying you shouldn’t stay at home and raise your babies. What I am saying is please consider your role as mother or father in light of the cultural mandate God outlined for all believers in Genesis 1. That said, your calling to be a parent isn’t limited to just being a parent. It begs you to ask yourself how you’re simultaneously helping to fulfill the other two cultural mandates to bring God’s kingdom on earth. However, certain seasons will dictate leanings towards one specific mandate or another. This I will consider next week. But for just one more minute I want to consider what it means to have a calling.
First, let me quickly define what I mean by “calling.” When I use this term, I am talking about something that God has asked you to do and expects you to stay faithful throughout, all the while ensuring that the focus isn’t yourself but God. Further than this definition, I need to define 2 types of callings we generally talk about (in the broad sense of the word “calling”):
- The call to fulfill the kingdom mandate outlined in Genesis 1; this is an expectation placed on all people who acknowledge God as Creator, and comes about by intentionally taking care to be fruitful & multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over creation.
- A personal or individual calling as expected and written about by Paul in Ephesians; this is an expectation placed on those actively following Jesus, and comes about in responding to God’s leading, gifting and opportunities placed in our lives.
When I consider the words of Paul the Apostle in Ephesians 4, a passage leaned on heavily to defend a personal calling, I’m forced to question whether or not parenthood is a personal calling. So many women suggest that their call is to be a wife and mom. Certainly there is nothing inherently wrong with this call, but the reality stands that being a wife and mother is, and always was, a natural element of being married (marriage being a relationship covenanted by God). I don’t at all want to demean the role of being a mom, but I am not sure I have ever heard a man saying that their call is to be a husband and father with the same stress as women would put on their titles.
Let the record state that I don’t think saying “I’m called to motherhood” is wrong. It is, as I have briefly explained above in light of Genesis 1, an irrevocably truthful statement that cannot be denied by Christians. But, to quote a sweet sister in Christ, motherhood is not the highest calling*.
If you have been called to be a mother (or if you’re a guy reading this and you feel equally as strong about being called to fatherhood) then raising children becomes of paramount importance to furthering God’s kingdom because it requires of us to teach our children the Law of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:4-8), informing them of the new spirit living inside of them (Ezekiel 36:26-28), ensuring they are living under the new covenant of grace (Jeremiah 31:33) which calls them to something unique (Ephesians 4:1) that will have been ingrained inside of them and discovered as they follow the leading of Holy Spirit. Is this how you found your calling? Were these things taught to you by a parent who claimed their calling was parenthood?
Whether your answer is yes or no, if you claim to follow Christ and walk in the authority of the freedom He offered you, then you now have the responsibility of raising your kids to be bringers of the kingdom; you have the responsibility of teaching them the way they should walk so when they are old they will not depart from it. I won’t offer parenting advice or magic incantations to bring such things about. Hear I yield to the sovereignty and grace of God knowing that raising a family is a not a chorus of Kumbaya or a fairy tale with fireworks and happiness. It is, however, an avenue for you to make God’s name great.
When it all comes down to it, whatever your calling is, it will never actually be about you. It’s always about God. Your calling will always be offered with the confidence that God will make all of it happen. He’s sovereign.
However, I realize that you may be in a place where you don’t see that sovereignty as the loving, gracious, Jeremiah 29:11 season you’d expected. Here I will digress and leave something for saying next week.
the rambling missionary 
Wise words. I would argue that if my identity is wrapped up solely in being “mom”, I am missing the mark. I need my identity as daughter of the Most High Goe to function as wife, mother, co-worker, friend, etc. Motherhood totally falls in the realm of what I am called to, but it is not the end all at the end of the day. When I fail as a mom, my identity doesn’t have to be shaken to the core if I can rest in my daughterhood. Also, some of the sweetest mother figures in my kids’ lives have been single ladies. They love and serve my kids in ways I am humbled by to witness. Grateful that mothering isn’t only relegated to the biological mother – my kids’ lives are richer and better for all those who love them. Beautiful words- looking forward to next week!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent addage!! I love the way you were able to articulate this and I would agree 100%.
LikeLike